Confusingly desperate!

I can’t tell him
I won’t tell her
My emotions and feelings
They’re all one agonizing blur
My head, it’s spinning
The depression, it’s winning
Everything is upside down
Everything is wrong side out
I am hopelessly blindsided
My wrongs refuse to become righted
I try to understand
But the answers aren’t coming
The left or the right
To me each path’s confusing
I run in the opposite direction
But still my soul is bruising
I can’t even begin to try and escape it
Musn’t resist things that have been fated
Dragging me down like gravity
Event horizon to the black hole of an awful alternative
The swirling vortex of my inside
Refuses to be tamed
Maybe I can’t help it
But I am on the edge of being slain!

Love so rare...

The thought of you leaving is more than I can bare.
What we have when we're together is a love so rare that I can't possibly fare well without you.
The idea of anything less leaves me numb - a blank stare across soulless eyes, succumbing to the hollowness left behind in a world apart.
I care too much and now it hurts to be alone - without your love I have grown so attached to, that has healed the previous rips and tears in my heart.
You came along and dared, in despair, to unite yourself with me - and I did the same - counterparts of an all-too-perfect pair.

Happiness-Illusion or confusion?

Sadness and heartache are all that I know...
They come against me one after another and pain seems to grow.
I'm no stranger to that kind of pain.
I'm trying to learn and understand the lesson that I am to gain.
Just when I think that there is a glimmer of hope.
Life seems to hand me a gun and a rope.
Happiness has passed me by.
Leaving me hurting and wanting to cry.
Is happiness just an illusion?
Or just a mass of confusion?

Why me?

Things aren’t going the way I expected
I’m contemplating leaving theworld
All of a sudden when I make my mind to leave
This Dreamcrusher has a trick up her sleeve.
Leave or stay again is the question
I need to hurry and find a solution!
I just need to be cared for and loved!
I just need to be a wife!
I just need a happy life!
I need protection of my heart until I make that right start!
So hurt and my mind so discomfigured
Why am I sitting here I’m glad I have no trigger
Who would have figured I’d be in this domicile
But what’s really messed up is I lost my smile
Staring down In the rain
Looking at my reflection
And just wanting attention
What I get in the end is just more pain
Trapped confused desperate and lonely is what I see
And now I have a question "why me?"